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Best Books of 2011

December 18, 2011 By 3 Comments
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OK, I’m a slacker. I only read thirty-four works of fiction, and twelve books of non-fiction in 2011. Yes, I fell off my Read-A-Book-A-Week pace this year – but, hey, some of the books I read were really thick!

Let me tell you about the best of the books I read this year:

FICTION

Absolute Favorite Of The Year: The Harry Bosch series by Michael Connelly: I read one and I was hooked. Quickly read the first six books in the series and now I think I am in love with Harry Bosch, a hard-as-nails LAPD detective with a weakness for a jazz saxophone and strong women. The books are beautifully written, even if they are about murder, autopsies and betrayal. There is just something compelling about Harry Bosch, and I plan to read all seventeen books. I just can’t help myself.

The others:

Just Kids by Patti Smith: a coming of age story set in 1970s New York City, focusing on the love between two kids who would go on to change the world in their own ways – Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe. Smith writes like the poet she is – lyrically, magically, powerfully. Lovingly.

An Atlas of Impossible Longing by Anuradha Roy: a beautiful story of love and longing, set in turn of the century India. Gorgeous language.

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins: I devoured all three books, which, like all great fantasy literature, take what’s real and makes it into what might be. I was immersed. In fact, I read each book twice, so maybe my annual count should be higher… they are that good.

The Inspector Gamache series by Louise Penny: A principled man of integrity solves crimes in Quebec. Simple premise. Anything but simple stories. I loved coming to know the cast of characters and to see how they evolved through all six books.

The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman: At Masada in the first century, over 900 Jews committed suicide rather than submit to Roman rule. But contemporaneous records showed that two women and five children survived. This is their magical story.

V is for Vengeance by Sue Grafton: I have read every book since A is for Alibi. And, each time I have a vague worry that Sue Grafton will “phone it in” and slap together a book just for the sales. And with every book I’m happily thrilled that she has never done that. This book has private investigator Kinsey Millhone at her absolute finest – in her worn jeans, semi-clean sweatshirt and nail scissors haircut – solving a mystery that starts with shoplifting and ends in a surprising way.

Greatest Knight by Elizabeth Chadwick: If you, like me, have a weakness for historical fiction, then you will love the story of William Marshal – a landless second son who goes on to become Regent of England while his friend Richard the Lionheart is on Crusade.

Caleb’s Crossing by Geraldine Brooks: In the late 1600s, Puritans on Martha’s Vineyard sent a young man to Harvard College.  He went on to graduate – the first Native American to do so – and Brooks tells the story of Caleb crossing from one culture to another, supported by the deep friendship of a young woman, Bethia. Beautiful imagery by the Pulitzer Prize winning author. I’ve never read a word she’s written that I haven’t loved.

State of Wonder by Ann Patchett: A fish out of water everywhere, Marina Singh finally finds her place in the remote Amazonian rain forest. Patchett is another favorite author whose voice is like a tonic.

NON-FICTION

Absolute Favorite Of The Year:  Letters To A Young Poet by Rainer-Marie Rilke: Timeless advice on living from a great poet. I found myself marveling at Rilke’s insight and kindness, and his deep wisdom. Truly, you can pick this book up, open it to any page and have an ah-ha moment. Any page.

The others:

Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud: The book that inspired my Unstuck Process, Dr. Cloud provides practical, insightful methods to effectively end what needs to be ended.

Read This Before Our Next Meeting by Al Pittampalli: New rules for meetings that work. Who can’t use that?

Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy by Caroline Kennedy and Michael Beschloss:  I learned some things reading this book. 1.) Jackie Kennedy was very smart, intuitive and sharp; 2.) Yet, in her eyes her most important role was helpmeet to her husband; 3.) Political issues and people flare into “news” but many of them barely make history. What makes history is the people who take the risks to do something new. And so I learned that  Jacqueline Kennedy absolutely deserves her role in history.

The Art of War by Sun Tzu: I first read this volume when I accepted my first corporate job – who better to give me advice than an ancient warrior? The truths on leadership and managing conflict written over 2000 years ago still resonate today. It’s a good set of principles to have in any leader’s tool chest.

Secret Thoughts of Successful Women by Valerie Young: So many of my female clients struggle with The Impostor Syndrome – “if only people REALLY knew that I’m truly faking it, I’d lose everything” – and this book offers deep understanding of the Why of the imposter feeling, and practical paths out.

We Are All Weird by Seth Godin: This book reinforced my idea that anyone selling anything today must be prepared to deeply customize the customer experience. We Are All Weird, yes, and we are all individuals. Successful leaders, marketers and service providers must accept this new principle – or find their business going the way of the buggy whip manufacturing industry.

I want to thank the coaching group who sent me a Kindle as a Christmas gift last year. I have absolutely loved the convenience and accessibility of this little gadget, and think of your generosity every time I turn it on. Which is daily, so – see? – I’m thinking about you a lot! If anyone has been considering getting an e-reader for yourself, let me tell you that the Kindle has been fun, easy to manage and has helped me get out-of-print or otherwise elusive books this year. Love it.

So, what are you reading? What was your favorite book of the year? I want to hear from you (see, I’m always looking for something new to read…).

 

[Just a note, each of these books are linked to Amazon.com for your convenience. If you purchase via this link I will possibly make nineteen to twenty cents on each sale - this is called an "affiliate link" and by law I am required to disclose that I will make this humungous sum of money if you choose to purchase.]

 

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Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Happier Living, Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , 3 Comments

What Did You Do?

December 11, 2011 By 1 Comment
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I love this time of year.  Yes, the spirit and the festivities and the cool snap in the air.  Love that.

But I also love this time of year because of a reflective ritual I always perform – by myself, and for myself.

Every December, I sit down and write down my 25 Accomplishments for the Year.

Now, I know – twenty-five seems like a lot. Especially this year. Especially when you think the only accomplishments that matter are things like:

1.  Cured cancer.

2. Brought peace to the Middle East.

3. Joined the 1%.

4. Married a Kardashian.

But your own accomplishments are whatever you say they are. Case in point, how about the sweeping magnitude of this item from my own list:

16.  Took my medicine daily.

Sounds pretty trivial, huh?  Plus, taking medicine is something I “should” do, right?  OK, but you know plenty of people don’t take what’s prescribed to them, don’t you?  It’s ultimately a choice for health, wellness and self-care, and it’s a choice I’m conscious of making every day since I was treated for thyroid cancer in 2008.

I’m proud of this accomplishment, as small as it may seem in comparison to having your own TV reality show.

Yep, when I look at my list, I realize just how productive I’ve been this year, creating several new programs and earning more income than ever before.

Ever.

Now, there’s an accomplishment that feels really good.

All my accomplishments feel good, to tell you the truth, once I put them on paper and honored them.

My list of 25 Accomplishments – overachiever that I am, turned out to be 28 items – gave me a launching point to look at how my accomplishments line up with my key values. Know your own values? Think about the things that light you up, the things that are vitally important, the things you can’t live without. For me, it’s:

  • Taking care of my financial, spiritual and emotional health
  • Being a good enough parent
  • Leading
  • Learning

Being the nerdy geek girl that I am, I actually tabulated how many of my accomplishments related to one or more of my values, using teeny-tiny hash marks.  And guess what?  That information is already pointing me to what I want to do more of in 2012.

Sweet.

And useful. Practical. And really productive.

Want to give it a shot yourself? Hey, if you need some help figuring it all out, download the Personal Planning Tool for 2012 – available at my website as my gift to you. You can use the Tool to review 2011, identify your accomplishments, and get your thoughts together for what you’d like to get done next year.

And if you want, you can take it to a whole other level by making another list – let’s call it The Gratitude List.  Can you list 25 people or things you’re grateful for?

I can.  Again, the overachiever in me found twenty-six items to list, but let me tell you about:

10.  The kindness of strangers.

And,

11.  People who help me when I ask.

Kinda linked, yet kinda not.  But I’ll tell you, I could never have had as many accomplishments in 2011 if it hadn’t been for #10 and #11.

If it hadn’t been for you.

Because you are on my Gratitude List. You readers and clients, family and friends.

Oh, you’re on my List. Right up there at the top.

Right where you belong.

 

 

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Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment

Think Small. Do Big.

November 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
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You can make a difference.

You can.

And I know you want to.

But so many of us hold back because we associate making a difference with some big, grand gesture, like bringing peace to the Middle East, finding the cure for cancer or winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and overlook the fact that we can do good right here. Right now.

You could purchase a gift certificate for a local restaurant and give that as a gift to a neighbor. You are helping a small business stay afloat, and giving your neighbor an evening to remember.

You could volunteer at your local community kitchen or food bank, and bring some non-perishables along to donate. Do it often enough and you’ll form new relationships and new insights about others, and yourself.

Take your neighbor kid under your wing. You know, that kid you’ve known since he was a toddler who just graduated from college? You know he’s struggling to find his first job. Be his mentor, and help him get his start in the world.

Offer to set up a Christmas tree for the elderly widow down the block, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas yourself.

Hold the door open for the pregnant woman pushing the twin stroller through the door at Starbucks.

Allow the guy with the left turn signal flashing to merge in front of you.

Make dinner for your family.

Look  people in the eye and listen as they talk. Really listen. And keep your phone in your pocket.

Be the kind of person you’d like to be friends with.

Go out of your way to be of help and assistance.

Right now, you’re saying, “Platitudes! Doesn’t she know what my work is like? I don’t have time to do any of this!”

The 10 seconds it takes to hold the door open for that woman at Starbucks – no skin off your back, huh? You can do that little thing, can’t you?

And by doing so, what do you usher into the world?

For that woman, the awareness that she is not alone fending for herself and her children.

For you, the realization that you have the capacity to help others.

And suddenly the world is not so big and unconnected.

And the world is not populated with enemies.

But by friends.

And your blood pressure lowers to a manageable level.

And you have a smile on your face.

And you have created good by doing one small thing.

At this time of year, there’s a lot of scrambling and purchasing and expectations and unmet expectations and your stress level can be through the roof.

But not if you focus on the little ways you can make a difference in other people’s lives every day.

Put a quarter in someone’s meter.

Buy a Christmas tree from the varsity baseball team so they can travel to the state tournament next spring.

Arrange for Karate lessons for you and your kid.

Hug your wife for no particular reason other than to connect in that moment.

Tell him you love him.

Tell her you admire her.

Think really small.

Do really big.

 

 

 [photo courtesy: Grace Woodward]

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I Am A Loser

October 23, 2011 By 8 Comments
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There are three ways to tell this story:

1.  Although after winning a commanding 43% in the final round of The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest, they chose someone younger with consistently fewer votes.

2.  I don’t care that I didn’t win The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest because I really don’t have time for it anyway.

3.  I gave The Washington Post’s @Work Advice Contest my best shot – I wrote like Monet painted – but the judges preferred Van Gogh.  And that is OK.

See, there are always many ways to tell a story.  And I told all of those versions of my story in the first 24 hours after I found out that, despite having the vast majority of the final vote, I didn’t win.

It was hard.

It really hurt.

Because I had put myself out there, and told all of you that I really wanted the job.

And I worked hard.

And I put other things aside to focus on the contest.

And I fell short.

Then I got a grip, and thought of all the clients over the years who have been final candidates in some executive search and haven’t been offered the position.  What do I advise them?

Honor the full sweep of your emotions. Because there are no “wrong” emotions.  There are just emotions.

So, heeding my own advice, I was – by turns – angry, sad, self-chastising, denying, accepting.

No pretending.  Just whatever it was, as it was.

And, after all of that emotion, I settled into this thought:  Close, baby, but no cigar.

But the damn cigar is completely within reach.

The cigar that’s coming next for me may just be a different brand, and aroma, and size than I expected. And I will welcome it.

You all know that I believe we each have 100 units of energy to spend each day.  Yesterday’s are gone, and tomorrow’s belong to tomorrow – so how I spend my 100 today is vital.  And totally up to me.

I know that in order to achieve anything, I must use my energy to support my greatest priorities:

Being a good enough parent.

Doing work that makes a difference, and that I am proud of.

Caring for my emotional, spiritual, physical and financial health.

Truth is, I would have loved writing for The Washington Post.  But not writing for The Washington Post offers me the opportunity to put more energy units on my true, real priorities.

Plus, there are gifts for me in not getting what I wanted.

(Which is something I often suggest clients look at – and after they throw something at me, they usually find the gifts inherent in any difficult situation.)

For me, the gifts were multiple:

I tested my writing skills and found them strong, coherent, and well-received.

I connected with people who love my work.

I found new people who love my work.

I enlarged my comfort zone.

I felt tremendous gratitude for an ocean of support from people all around the world.

So, I am a loser.  No doubt about that.

How do I know?  Because I did not win.

But, I am a happy loser who feels like she got the best possible part of the whole deal.

See, in losing I found more of myself.

And that’s a win, sugar. A big, honking, bona fide win.

 

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That Hard Conversation

August 28, 2011 By 1 Comment
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Your voice is your strongest asset. Yet too many of us swallow our words and mute our voices because we don’t feel comfortable – in fact, feel rather icky – with anything smacking even a bit of “confrontational”.

Let’s make it easier, shall we?

The 5 Key Questions:

1. What needs to be said?

2. Why does it need to be said?

3. Who needs to say it?

4. When does it need to be said?

5. What do I hope happens after it’s said?

So, #1, what do you need to say? You’ve been dwelling on it, I know, but work it out or practice with yourself or a piece of paper. Trust me, don’t practice with a colleague or your 12 year old. Remember that old WW2 adage: “Loose lips sink ships” and get absolutely clear all by yourself on what needs saying. Truly, I cannot tell you the number of times clients (and me, too) have confided in a co-worker, or a friend who turned out to be less than trustworthy. Sorry to say, but it happens. With sad and unhappy consequences. So work it out by yourself first. Practice it. Use “I” phrases, as in “I really don’t appreciate the f-bomb, Tony. Can you stop using it around me?” Got it?

OK, with #2 it all comes down to this: you have to know your “why”. How do you feel not saying it? Make your response short and sweet as you’re working through the questions. Because you’ll come back to this in #5.

#3 will give you heartburn. Especially those of you upon whose broad shoulders rest the cares and worries of everyone in the world. You know, you’ve got all those people who come to you with their concerns, troubles and peeves, and de facto ask you to take care of it for them. Yes, you are strong. Yes, you are smart. But sometimes what needs to be said is someone else’s business. If it is? Keep your nose out. Say, “Wow. Sounds tough. What are you going to do about it?” That’ll work.

Remember: Your voice is precious. Use it wisely.

Timing is everything, and #4 reflects that idea. Difficult conversations become less difficult when you have them at the right time. Research shows that the best opportunity to change behavior comes as close to the action as possible. So an immediate correction when someone drops the f-bomb (if that’s the problem), or when a jibe cuts a little too close will give you the best chance to change the situation.

Dealing with a troubling situation in the moment also keeps the anxiety from building like a rolling snowball of ick. Deal with it while it’s still a flake and it will stay small.

However, if it’s a tense situation, then finding a time – soon – when things are calmer to give feedback and use your “I” phrase.

Because feedback is all you’re giving, right?

#5, what do I hope happens? If I hope people will say, “OMG! You are so right! I have been wrong all these years! I finally see the light! You are so wise, strong and kind! Thank you, thank you!” – if that’s what you hope happens (your #3 “why”), you might as well stop. That ain’t feedback.

That’s all about ego – yours – and the ego is a lousy foundation for action.

With #5, the ultimate outcome you hope for is that you have used your voice. That you can stand up for yourself. That you are the best advocate for yourself and you are on the record with what is acceptable to you and what is not. That you are known and seen.

Whether you are asking for a raise, or correcting an employee, or correcting your boss, following these five steps will make “confrontation” a little easier.

Next week? How about we talk about bullies…?

[This post first appeared last week in a private message to members of The Club - my low-cost coaching program. There are a handful of available slots now - if you're looking for great tools, private laser coaching with me, and access to free classes, recordings and other features, won't you join now? More information here.]

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