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Drive For Show

March 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment
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If you hang around a golf course or a golfer, you’re bound to hear the phrase:

“Drive for show, putt for dough.”

The drive – the big swing a the start of the hole – takes a lot of muscle.Your core is engaged, your legs need to work, your arms and shoulders rotate fully. It’s a really big movement. Watch this video of golf great Ben Hogan discussing the basics of a swing.

It’s big. It’s muscular. It’s showy.

A lot of people spend a ton of time practicing their drive. Hey, there might be people watching that shot. There might be a chance the audience will applaud, or at least say, “wow” under their breath at that magnificent, powerful, arcing ball flight.

Ah, the prospect of adulation. Extremely compelling for so many of us.

Yet, a big, muscular, showy drive has very little to do with a great golf score.

Because the real place to score is on the green, when you putt.

In a typical par four hole, the idea is that you hit a good drive, make a decent approach shot, and then you have two putts on the green to get in the hole.  If you’re a good putter, you might sink it in one stroke, giving you a birdie – which is a great score. A series of birdies and you win the tournament, or at least a couple of bucks from your buddies.

That’s the reason people say, “Drive for show, putt for dough.”

A putt is the opposite of a drive. Rather than big movements, a great putt is minimal movement, controlled, small. Repeatable.  Watch Tiger Woods putt and you’ll see what I mean.

So, it’s big and showy vs. smaller and purposeful.

And now you know why I’m writing this blog, even if you don’t play golf.

The big, showy effort is so fulfilling, yet it’s often the small, focused, repetitive stuff that pays off.

You know this.

So, if you’re burned out, you may want to do the big swing by quitting in a huff, but you might just want to putt it. Do some small, repetitive steps – like leaving on time. Like tending to your self care. Like having a life outside the office. Like saying no sometimes. Like making time to connect with people who can help you find a new job.

If you’re stuck, putt it.  Test and try in tiny chunks, and see what feels better than whatever you’ve got right now.

If you want to grow, putt it.  Read a book. Take a class. Get a mentor.

Practice, practice, practice.

Think small.

Because if you really want to win the dough, you become a great putter.

 

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Filed Under: Career Coaching, Happier Living, Managing Change, Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , , Leave a Comment

From Here To There

March 11, 2012 By 4 Comments
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I am rather smitten with the idea of transformation. Utterly fascinates me.

It fascinates me how common things like today’s newspaper gets recycled into tomorrow’s paper towels. Like how left over table scraps can become food for tomorrow’s flowers.

Magical things fascinate me, too, like how a little baby grows into a tall adult.

And then there are amazing things like how simple trial and error leads to a new invention that changes the world. Like the light bulb. Or the Internet.

To some of these things we say, “Yes, but…”

Yes, but that’s nature’s way of doing things – has nothing to do with me.

Yes, but that’s somebody like Thomas Edison. That’s somebody like Steve Jobs. Not somebody like me.

Rarely, it seems, do we say, “Yes, but…I can do that, too.”

But it’s more than possible.

You absolutely have the power to transform things.

You.

And you can do it all by yourself, when you think about it.

You can transform the challenge of sickness into the relief of healing, just by talking about it in a different way.

As in, “I am on my way toward remission.”

You can transform the stress of working with a difficult person into calm productivity, just by managing your own energy and being an advocate for yourself.

As in, “I am not jumping into that drama with him. No, I am not.”

You can transform your business from struggling to succeeding, just by focusing on your strengths and what really matters.

As in, “Despite the advice of marketing gurus, I know I am an introvert and not at my best in large networking events. I’m going to meet people my own way.”

It’s daunting and a little confusing to think that you have any power to change anything. Because so many of us have lived our lives believing we’re at the mercy of others. That power belongs to someone else. That we’re small, insignificant, unable.

But we’re not.

I know you’re not.

The power to transform – to shift one thing into another – is your greatest superpower.

And, if you open your eyes and see, you will find that you use this great skill of yours every day, in ways large and small.

Every time you open a door, turn a corner, start a new document, begin a conversation, you have the ability to transform one thing into something else.

And guess what? The more you use this superpower, the stronger it will get.

The stronger you will get.

So begin today. Begin by transforming where you are right now, to where you’d like to be.

And that’s as easy as getting up from your chair and moving some place else.

 

 

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Filed Under: Career Coaching, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Happier Living Tagged With: , , , , , 4 Comments

Why Bother With A Plan?

February 26, 2012 By 1 Comment
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The first business plan for my coaching practice was written on the back of a placemat while waiting for a lobster in an out-of-the-way shack in Maine. It was 2004, and I was on my way to visit some friends for a little R&R. I started thinking about my business and made a few notes:

- How much money I wanted to make in the next year

- How I would price my services to meet my income goals

- How many clients that meant I needed

- What kind of programs that meant I needed to offer

- What kind of additional training I would need

- How I would talk about my services

While I deconstructed a delicious lobster, I noodled on my plan. And when I removed the very attractive bib from around my neck and paid my check, I had a strong, workable direction for my business.

And I put that one-year plan in my purse and didn’t look at it again for six months.

Surprisingly, though, in that six months, I had done everything on my plan. Ahead of plan.

That’s right – I didn’t obsess, or over-think. I just executed.

Because the mere process of creating the plan – just putting my to-dos top of mind – catalyzed my action.

Now, there are those who detest plans. Maybe because they think plans are too rigid, don’t allow for creativity, aren’t that spontaneous, won’t accommodate serendipity.

[These people tend to - in Myers-Briggs talk - have a strong preference for "Perceiving", the dear darlings. They value flexibility above all and will do anything in their power to preserve their ability to go with the flow. And I completely get it. That's why I started this post of with the lobster story - just to show all those P people that planning can be easy. And tasty.]

A great plan, though, is not judged on how many tabs, tables and cross-references it includes.

A great plan is judged on how well it works.

With a plan, you know where to put your energy.

With a plan, you have a direction.

With a plan, you know what to say a whole-hearted “Yes!” to, and what to put in the “When There’s Time” file.

And planning can be easy. Easy-peasy.

Want to do one yourself? OK, take out a placemat-sized piece of paper. [lobster bib always optional.]

Answer these prompts:

- What do you want right now, more than anything?

- What’s your life going to be like when you get what you want? What’s it going to look like?

- Who are you when you’re at your best? What elements are in place? Which of these things already support getting what you want?

- What’s the first thing you need to do?

- Whose help do you need to do it?

- When can you start?

Focus, and put your best effort into these questions. When you’re done, you’ll realize that you have a plan, sugar.

Then fold it up and put it in your pocket.

And I’ll bet you, in six months, you’ve accomplished everything that needs doing.

Bet you a lobster dinner.

 

***

If you need a little help getting your plan together, there are still a few slots available for this Friday’s Get Yourself A Plan Retreat in Arlington, VA.  If you live outside the DC-area, you can sign up for the Virtual version of the Retreat.  Registration closes for the live event on Monday, February 27th, and on Wednesday, February 29th for the Virtual Retreat.

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Filed Under: Blog, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Then, Life Interrupts

February 19, 2012 By 3 Comments
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So you’ve made the plan.

And you feel really good about it.

You’ve finally accepted that something needs to change, and you’re ready to do it – because you know that’s the only way you’re going to get yourself what you want.

A new job.

A promotion.

A partner.

More clients.

Getting that key certification.

You’ve got a plan and you’re ready to pull the ripcord.

But, then…

Then, life interrupts.

And someone you love gets sick.

You get sick.

You hear some very difficult news.

Whatever it is, it’s a crisis.  Totally unexpected.  And totally swamps your boat.

You drop everything, and race to help those who need you.

You, my friend, are human duct tape, holding anything and everything together.

And, depending on you and your life, this isn’t the first time you’ve raced to the rescue. You’re kind,you’re responsible, you have a good head on your shoulders, don’t you? And people count on you to do the hard things, especially when they can’t.

So you do.

I imagine this is resonating with you.

But remember your plan? Remember that thing you had committed to doing?  That thing that would give you more of what you want? That intriguing, fun, good-kind-of-challenge thing that will make you happy?

What about that?

In situations like this, many of us decide that it’s got to be one or the other. We have to decide: either I nurse my dying mother, or I start a business. Either I help my depressed child manage her illness, or I get a new job.

And sometimes we postpone – or drop – the plan that we know is good for us.

Last year, I wrote about The “And” Way - and maybe that idea can help those who feel caught between service and action.

Very few things in work and life are truly Either/Or, although it’s human nature to attempt to make them so. The And Way – where you get some of both of the things on your plate – is a “moving forward” approach, and keeps you from being thoroughly stuck.

So, yes, care for those you love in their time of need… but also stick with scheduling job interviews. Maybe you’ll have three interviews a week instead of six, but that’s OK – that’s The And Way.

Yes, deal with the crisis you face.  But also do the certification program – maybe you can start in six months, rather than next week. Or maybe you can halve the courses and complete the program in four months rather than two.

The And Way. When life interrupts your best laid plans, look closely at your situation and rather than defaulting to either/or choices, seek The And.

You know, if you cock your head to the right and look at the The And Way, you’ll see it slightly differently. When you do, you’ll see it also includes other people. As in: you and me.  Because you know that when you need help, there are plenty of people ready to come to your side.

They are also human duct tape.  If you give them the chance to be.

All you need to do is ask them, and they’ll become part of your And Way. And maybe find their own meaningful And in the process.

 

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Filed Under: Blog, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , , 3 Comments

On Being Kind

February 12, 2012 By Leave a Comment
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Meaning and purpose.

Integrity.

The power of choice.

Defeating stress.

How to listen.

These are all topics you and I have been talking together about so far this year. All topics I think are vital for success in today’s world of work. And there’s another important one I want to raise with you right now:

It helps to be kind.

I know, I’m a hopeless optimist. Because we all know, as Leo Durocher famously said, “Nice guys finish last”. Guess what? A new study even seems to support that idea. The study found that disagreeable men made about $10,000 more a year than more agreeable men.

The big difference between agreeable people and disagreeable people seems to be the extent to which agreeable folks will go to preserve relationships. Agreeable people will bend over backwards to prevent discord, difficult conversations or hard feelings.

And often lose something important in the attempt. When I’m overly agreeable, I lose my autonomy. My personhood. My ability to think for myself. My ability to advocate for myself.

Hey, I don’t want you to lose. Really. So let me offer a slight re-definition and shift that might give you a different perspective.

You see, in my mind, there’s an important difference between being overly agreeable and being kind.

It’s kind to offer advice, support and guidance to someone as they work through a challenging project at work.

It’s overly agreeable when  I take over the project at the last moment when you drop the ball – and you take full credit for the end result.

It’s kind when I give a chance to a kid looking for her first job.

It’s overly agreeable when I make room for the Area Vice President’s shiftless, idiot nephew in my department.

It’s kind to remind the boss when I’m going to be on vacation, and create a plan to make sure everything’s covered in my absence.

It’s overly agreeable to take work with me on vacation.

It’s kind when I quietly draw you aside and whisper that you have spinach in your teeth.

It’s overly agreeable to pick the spinach out for you.

Note the distinction?

That’s why the modern workplace could use more kindness and less at “any costs” agreeableness. I’m not saying we go all Meryl-Streep-in-The-Devil-Wears-Prada – in fact, the economic difference between agreeable and disagreeable women in the study was negligible. Researchers remind women: “Nice girls might not get rich, but ‘mean’ girls do not do much better. Even controlling for human capital, marital status, and occupation, highly disagreeable women do not earn as much as highly agreeable men.”

The thing is this: too many of us – overly agreeable men and agreeable women – bring to work all of our childhood “stuff” about being good and making everything right and smoothing relationships so no one yells at us, or tells us we’re big disappointments, or grounds us on Homecoming weekend.

We operate from fear, people. Which puts us at a disadvantage right from the start.

We’ve got to knock that off. Right away.

Because overly agreeable men and overly agreeable women lose when we mistake agreement with kindness. We lose money, we lose opportunity, we lose values, we lose ownership, we lose, lose, lose.

So, let’s re-define.  Kindness means:

Having an opinion.

Listening to the opinions others and respectfully disagreeing if that’s the way it is.

Saying no sometimes.

Saying yes only sometimes.

Appropriately helping.

Taking the risk to be fully yourself.

Truly kind leaders – regardless of their position on the org chart – are the ones we all remember. They’re the ones we are grateful to. Who are our most memorable mentors.

They’re the ones who make a difference.

Know what? That can be you.

You can leave a truly indelible legacy.

It all starts with kindness.

 

Photo credit: Michele Woodward

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Filed Under: Authenticity, Blog, Career Coaching, Clarity Tagged With: , , , , , , , Leave a Comment
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