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Then, Life Interrupts

February 19, 2012 By 3 Comments
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So you’ve made the plan.

And you feel really good about it.

You’ve finally accepted that something needs to change, and you’re ready to do it – because you know that’s the only way you’re going to get yourself what you want.

A new job.

A promotion.

A partner.

More clients.

Getting that key certification.

You’ve got a plan and you’re ready to pull the ripcord.

But, then…

Then, life interrupts.

And someone you love gets sick.

You get sick.

You hear some very difficult news.

Whatever it is, it’s a crisis.  Totally unexpected.  And totally swamps your boat.

You drop everything, and race to help those who need you.

You, my friend, are human duct tape, holding anything and everything together.

And, depending on you and your life, this isn’t the first time you’ve raced to the rescue. You’re kind,you’re responsible, you have a good head on your shoulders, don’t you? And people count on you to do the hard things, especially when they can’t.

So you do.

I imagine this is resonating with you.

But remember your plan? Remember that thing you had committed to doing?  That thing that would give you more of what you want? That intriguing, fun, good-kind-of-challenge thing that will make you happy?

What about that?

In situations like this, many of us decide that it’s got to be one or the other. We have to decide: either I nurse my dying mother, or I start a business. Either I help my depressed child manage her illness, or I get a new job.

And sometimes we postpone – or drop – the plan that we know is good for us.

Last year, I wrote about The “And” Way - and maybe that idea can help those who feel caught between service and action.

Very few things in work and life are truly Either/Or, although it’s human nature to attempt to make them so. The And Way – where you get some of both of the things on your plate – is a “moving forward” approach, and keeps you from being thoroughly stuck.

So, yes, care for those you love in their time of need… but also stick with scheduling job interviews. Maybe you’ll have three interviews a week instead of six, but that’s OK – that’s The And Way.

Yes, deal with the crisis you face.  But also do the certification program – maybe you can start in six months, rather than next week. Or maybe you can halve the courses and complete the program in four months rather than two.

The And Way. When life interrupts your best laid plans, look closely at your situation and rather than defaulting to either/or choices, seek The And.

You know, if you cock your head to the right and look at the The And Way, you’ll see it slightly differently. When you do, you’ll see it also includes other people. As in: you and me.  Because you know that when you need help, there are plenty of people ready to come to your side.

They are also human duct tape.  If you give them the chance to be.

All you need to do is ask them, and they’ll become part of your And Way. And maybe find their own meaningful And in the process.

 

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Filed Under: Blog, Career Coaching, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , , 3 Comments

“Is It Fun?”

January 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment
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A few months ago, I made a commitment to myself to start doing the Washington Post crossword every morning. I thought it would be good for my brain, and to up the ante, I made a few rules.

You know me: Michele Woodward, Rules Girl [when you know the rules, you also know how to bend them. I am just saying.]. Here are my crossword puzzle rules:

Rule 1:  Use only pen.

Rule 2:  Take only 15 minutes.

Rule 3:  If I’m not done in 15 minutes, drop it.

Five times out of six, I complete the puzzle under the rules. Which is surprisingly fulfilling. Ups my general Happy Quotient, if you want to know the truth.

And, there are one or two things I have learned from this exercise:

A. My intuition about a word is almost always right (except the other day, when the clue was “John Paul II, e.g.”  I wrote “POPE” when the answer turned out to be “POLE”. Ah, well.)

B. Sometimes an Across word is best solved by looking at the Down words that make it up

C. Challenges can be fun

That’s right, fun.  Look at me – I used the f-word.

Maybe you were raised with that wonderful work ethic that says “anything worth doing has to be hard”, which leads quite handily toward “work is hard, fun is frivolous; ergo, no fun for you, bucko”.

So you equate fun with anything but work.

Fun is tubing down the river with a cooler of beer trailing behind you.

Fun is a yo-yo tournament.

Fun is running a marathon (except for that pesky mile 21 where everything gets a little wobbly and you wonder where the fun is. The fun comes at mile 26.375, baby).

Work is a grind. Work is hyper-competitive. Work is eat-what-you-kill, dog-eat-dog, scarcity thinking writ large.

Fun and work, therefore, can never be equal.

But maybe think about it this way: work is just a challenge.

And crossword puzzles are challenges, right?

And some challenges can be fun and rewarding, and even fulfilling.

Especially if you know the rules and work within them. Kinda.

So, if my math is right, work can be fun and fulfilling if you turn the grind into a a kind of game, and you create some rules for yourself – rules you stick to.

[You may have heard of this idea of rules before. We also call these "boundaries".]

Such as:  “I will not work on weekends.”

“I won’t waste a minute in malicious office gossip.”

“If something doesn’t go my way, I will drop it and move on rather than obsess, stew and fret.”

These are just some of mine. Just like using a pen to complete the crossword in less than 15 minutes.

You have a choice, too. You can make your own rules.

Really.

Start by asking yourself, “Is this thing I’m doing fun?” And if the answer is no, then figure out a way to make it fun. Make it a game.

Your game.

And I’m thinking you’re going to win because you made up the rules.

You winner, you.

 

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The Unstuck Process

October 30, 2011 By 1 Comment
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I’d say there’s a process.

Maybe the first step is realizing something’s not working.

Some folks stop right there, thinking that they don’t have enough power, energy and oomph to change things.

These are my people.

The second step is entertaining ideas that just might solve the problem.

And folks stop here, too, mostly thinking of ways to eliminate options rather than grow them.

These are my people.

The third step is implementing the idea or ideas that have a chance of working.

Believe me – folks stop here.  Dead stop. Terrified.

Because sometimes it’s a slog and it’s hard and the odds of success look like 125,000,000 to 1, and why not stop already?

I love these people.

And then there’s the fourth step.

Boy, this step is great.

It’s where people look up in wide-eyed wonder and say, “Wow.  It worked.”

That’s the kind of people you can be.

I have a new process to help people get through the first three steps.  The fourth step?  Kinda takes care of itself.

From everything I’ve learned over the years, plus some new research and ideas, I’ve developed 20 powerful questions which take 30 minutes to answer.

Yes, it’s an extremely efficient process.

And you end up identifying one thing – one – that is keeping you stuck.  One thing you can do just a little bit differently, and unlock your time and energy so you can move on to the place you want to be.

Will it work?

Well, what if I told you that if you keep going the way you’re going now, that in two years all you’d have to show for your effort is more of the same?

More stuck.

More misery.

More pain.

More bleah.

If that sounds fantastic to you, then this process is not for you.

But, if the prospect of two more years of what you’ve got right now makes you feel nauseous, then let me give you hope.

I’ve tested this process on myself and on several clients.  One said, “I felt refreshed and uplifted. It’s like this tool shifted my perception to a different part of my brain.”  Another said, “And up until our call yesterday, and that beautiful question about what would it be like if you were in the same place two years from now…  I don’t know that I would have been able to put the puzzle pieces together.  I don’t know that I would have been able to consider other possibilities other than the brick wall that I seem to keep running into when I think about the topic.”

Another?  “I also liked some of your questions about what we want to future to look like, in positive words, how would we feel if three years from now we were still in this same position; and what has to change/what is in the way of making this happen? Michele, thank you so much for helping me move forward with my business. I can’t tell you enough how you have helped me break through barriers and given me hope for a better future.”

So, step one – let’s take it on. You up for it?

You know, I rarely try to sell you anything.  But this process? It’s something else.  And I think you will really benefit.  Or I wouldn’t offer it to you.

I’m doing a special offer for November – give me 30 minutes and get unstuck.

Go here to schedule your phone appointment:  Calendar.

And pay $100 by clicking on this link:  PayPal.

Because you?  You’re my kind of people. And all I want for you is to be saying, “Wow.  Wow. Wow.”

 

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Filed Under: Blog, Clarity, Getting Unstuck, Managing Change Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment

Decide. Ask. Receive.

May 22, 2011 By Leave a Comment
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Wrapped around the axle. Stressed. Unsure. Totally stuck.

Unhappy.

Yearning.

Is there a path out?

Yep. There is. And it’s:

Decide what you want.

Ask for it clearly.

Prepare to receive it.

Simple, huh? But, sorry to say, not that easy. You’ve got to do a little work.

For some of you, even saying “decide what you want” makes you break out in hives. Deciding is not altogether comfortable for some folks, especially my people-pleasing friends (hey, girls!). “What if I make a decision that makes people unhappy?” “What if people laugh at my choice?” “What if people think I’m selfish?”

To my people-pleasing friends, who I love and adore, I will ask: Sweetheart, who knows you better than you? Who’s more an expert on you, than you? When you abdicate your decision-making to others, what are you really saying?

Are you really saying you don’t know what’s in your own heart?

We know that’s not true.

I believe you always know what you want. Deep in that darling beating heart, you know. It’s when you’re moving your desire out of your chest into the world that you get off track. You get all self-doubt-y, don’t you? You get squishy. And you hold the desire back.

You hold yourself back.

Believe it or not, I was once in this situation. I know, right? Hard to fathom, but there you have it.

When I made decisions, I was berated, laughed and and penalized. So I sorta, kinda stopped making choices and having preferences. And when I finally realized that I was so unhappy trying to be a complacent concept of who I “should be” – I had to change. Had to. To survive. And I started in smallish kinds of ways (which you can try, too). I started saying, “I’d prefer Thai food for lunch.” Surprisingly, that was hard. I tried saying, “I want to see that Johnny Depp film.” And, over time I got to the big one: I started saying, “no”.

Over time, by making these little statements of preference, I reacquainted myself with…my self. And deciding became a whole lot easier.

It can be that way for you, too.

So, decide what you really want and move on to the next thing: Ask for it clearly.

Again, asking clearly is fraught with challenge for some people (how you doin’, girls?). Recently, a client told me a story you might appreciate: Her boss announced his departure. Several people within the organization approached my client asking if she’d join their department. She had many conversations and was still mulling when one guy announced she was joining his team. “I never agreed!” she said. I asked, “Did you clearly say you needed time? Did you say no?” Sheepish silence. “Well, not clearly, I guess.” As we worked through her part of the conversation, she realized that she hadn’t wanted to disappoint, so hadn’t been as clear as she could have been.

She’ll do it differently next time.

Which is, of course, the promise of clarity.

OK, you’ve done the hard work of deciding what you want and you have asked for it clearly – what does it mean to prepare to receive it?

Just that. Be ready. Keep an eye out. Watch.

Because what you want may come to you in a completely different form than you expect.

You may ask for a raise, and get a whole new job. In a whole new field. You might ask for a boyfriend, and get a husband. A really wonderful man. You might ask for a break – just a freakin’ break – and get a new friend who totally has your back. Forever.

Friends, that’s the way it works.

Decide. Ask. Receive.

Go ahead, give it a try.

Is that your heart I hear calling?

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Yes, You May

May 1, 2011 By 1 Comment
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Truth be told, I have always loved the month of May. The vibrant colors, the longer days, the sunshine warming up the world.

Darling May is obviously our reward for enduring dismal February.

But as a play on words, May brings a whole other set of opportunities. A plethora of possibilities.

Because it’s called “may”, as is, “May I have this seat?” And you sit down next to a very nice person who turns out to be your cousin’s next door neighbor from that time they lived in Texas.

“May I call you later?” And you end up kindling a great romantic relationship.

“May I help?” And the stalled project gets completed.

“May I get you a cup of coffee?” And that simple act of kindness builds a bond between you and the junior staff.

“May I tell you just how wonderful you are?” And you smile back at your own reflection in the mirror.

And feel a little bit of a boost.

Remember those hot afternoons when you’d run to your mother and breathlessly ask, “Can I go over to Joey’s house? They’re having meatloaf for dinner and his mother says I can stay. Can I? Can I? Can I?” And if your mother was like mine, she’d calmly reply, “It’s ‘may’, and, yes, dear, you may.”

This, my dear, is a whole month in which you may.

You may go, or may stay here. You may agree, or may make another decision. You may get out of bed when the alarm sounds. You may lay there for another hour, doing nothing.

You may flirt.

You may start that business. You may go on that job interview. You may hold hands.You may ride your bike.

You may figure out why you’re here, and what you need to do next.

Yes, you may.

See? Oh, the possibilities!

May you enjoy your May.

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Filed Under: Authenticity, Clarity, Getting Unstuck Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment
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