Smart Networking


When the going gets tough, the tough get… in touch with their networks.

“You mean, Michele, that with the economy in free fall, the best thing I can do is network?” Incredulity is to truth as ham is to… what? [easy now, that's just a SAT analogy flashback]

OK, 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral. So it only makes sense that when unemployment is rising, and the economy is falling, your circle of friends and acquaintances becomes your most important insurance policy. ‘Tis true, the people who know and like to work with you can speak most eloquently on your behalf. It also never hurts to have such a gold plated circle of contacts that your boss can’t possibly fire you.

Over at BettyConfidential.com, I hammer on the importance of networking. Kinda thought I was the Queen of Networking. Until I met Liz Lynch. She’s the true Queen of Networking, poppets, and I bow deeply to her.

Liz has a new book you’re going to want to read — Smart Networking: Attract A Following In Person And Online — and despite my pretensions toward her throne, I got to enter the presence of the Queen and ask a few questions.

How do you define networking, Liz? “So many people see networking as going to events and meeting new people, but my definition is much broader. I define a ‘network’ as a support system of people you can turn to for help, advice, ideas, and information. ‘Networking,’ then, is simply the process of building and maintaining that support system, and being able to tap into it when you need help.”

I have quite a few clients who’ve found themselves unexpectedly out of a job. Happening all over the world, in many different sectors. When you have to find a job fast, I asked Liz, do you just scramble to find a job, any job, and forget about the network? “Actually, quite the opposite,” Liz said. “Building a network does take time, but the good news is that everyone has a network already. People we’ve worked with, gone to school with, live near, play tennis with, etc. When you really need to get something done, it’s these people, your most raving fans, that you should turn to first. While they may not be in a position to hire you themselves, you can get valuable advice on your job search and some may even be able to introduce you to others in their network who work at companies you’re interested in. If nothing else, having moral support in these tough times can help you maintain confidence.”

I told Liz that I love to work with professional women who are re-entering the workforce. Many of them whine, I mean, express deep concern, that their network is stale and out-of-date. Liz suggested, “What’s really great about networking now is all of the online options that are available that you can do on your own time and without having to leave the house. An at-home mom can start to build her online network on LinkedIn and Facebook, and connect with folks she already knows. That way she gets on the radar screens of her old colleagues and can reach out to them much more easily once she’s ready to start exploring her options. She can also start a business blog where once a week she can comment on news and trends in her industry. This is important because once she gets into job mode again, hiring managers are going to Google her. When her blog comes up and they read her insights and wisdom, it might just tip the scales in her favor.”

Some small business owners see people in the same line of work as competition. Is there any benefit from growing a network with your competitors, Liz? Quoth the Queen, “My general philosophy with life is that there is more than enough to go around. Do you want to turn business away just so your competitor can prosper? No. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself or give away your trade secrets, but being open to cooperation leads to win-win-win opportunities, where 1+1 can equal 5.

“For example, I have great relationships with other networking experts, and I feature some of them in the book. Why would I do this? Because it helps everybody. Readers get the benefit of hearing other experiences. The experts get the benefit of exposure in an international book, and hopefully because they’re in it, they’ll be willing to recommend it to their friends, colleagues and customers.”

See why Liz Lynch is the Queen of Networking?

From her vantage point upon her throne, I wanted to know what her own network has done for her. Liz told me, “It’s amazing when I think of how much my network has come through for me, and writing the book helped me remember so many of those moments. When I first left corporate America in 2000 to start my own consulting business, my network gave me nearly all of my business those first two years. Some hired me directly, some referred me to people they knew, and some just listened and gave me input on how to position myself. More recently, I got my book deal with McGraw-Hill without an agent as a first-time author with one email to someone in my network.

“For those who might be thinking that I have magical people in my Rolodex, I don’t. They’re all very special to me, but they’re not household names. The reason they’re willing to help me is because I’ve built the relationship to last and I’ve mastered the art of the ask, two very important topics I cover in Smart Networking.”

The trick to successful investing is to buy low and sell high. When others are out of the market, there are often great openings for the taking. The same is true with networking. When so many people hunker down in fear, you can invest in your network. You can organize a volunteer activity for a group, or arrange a happy hour, or a lunch. You can step up your email contacts, or jump on Twitter or Facebook,or LinkedIn, where staying on your network’s radar screen is easy.

Invest in your network now, and someday, just maybe, you’ll sit high upon your own throne as the King or Queen Of Connections.

Either/Or


“I can stay in my job and have enough money, or I can do what I love and be broke.”

“I can’t be happy as long as I’m married to Clyde.”

“Since I have been a full-time parent for the last ten years, the only job I can possibly get won’t pay very much.”

All statements I have heard in the last month — that’s true.

But they’re not true statements. Sure, they feel true to the folks saying them, but they’re really either/or, black/white statements. They’re what’s called “limiting beliefs”. Either/or statements like this serve a great purpose — they keep us pretty well stuck.

Because… is it true that you have to be broke to do what you love? Hmmmn. Oprah looks like she loves what she does and she’s doing all right. Bill Gates? He seems pretty happy. Steve Jobs is passionate about what he does, and he gets all the IStuff he can use. Bono gets to be a multi-millionaire rock star AND do good while wearing cool sunglasses.

Either/or statements serve as fear-based predictors of what’s going to happen. If you go into a job interview with the mindset, “Since I’ve been a full-time parent for 10 years, I can’t ask for too much” — guess what? You won’t. Confidence in your own self-worth is reflected in that thought, and you telegraph it to everyone you meet. How much stronger to say, “Even though I’ve been out of the workforce for 10 years, I bring great skills and excellent contacts — I’m worth what they’ve budgeted for this position’s salary.”

Living in black/white, either/or land is one way to make sure you’re always right. “I can’t be happy if I’m married to Clyde” — a popular kind of statement. Saying this, you will discard any experience that might show that you could be happy, or, heaven forbid, that you actually like Clyde. You will pursue, or maybe even create, opportunities to be unhappy with Clyde. What if you turned it around and figured ways to see if you could be happy with Clyde, oh, like, let’s see: counseling, mutual hobbies, actually talking to him…

Often when we “can’t be happy” it’s not because of someone else, but because of something within ourselves. And we owe it to the Clydes of the world to work on that before laying our own dissatisfaction at their feet.

Living in the gray between black/white is the challenge, and the gift. It’s saying, “I can lose weight while eating fewer carbs.” It’s saying, “I may have to start the work I love on the side or as a volunteer, while I keep my job for the income.” It’s “I can be happy with or without Clyde — it’s up to me.”

There are “motivational speakers” out there who tout the idea “You CAN have it all.” Which is, poppets, yet another black/white statement. The beauty of living in the gray is replacing “either/or” with “and”. It’s so much more balanced to believe, “I can have some of this and some of that,” or, even more true, “I can have whatever I need.”

Contrary to popular belief, life is not all or nothing. The key to getting unstuck is getting un-attached to the either/or thoughts that immobilize us, and recognizing them for the limiting beliefs they are.

In fashion, it’s often said that this color or that color is the “new black”. In life, the key to happiness is replacing black/white with the best of both — to live in the shades of gray that are truly flattering.

Getting Back To Work


Show me a woman 40 to 55 years old who’s been home with her kids, and I’ll bet you she’s had this thought at one point or the other: “Maybe I should go back to work.” And with the magic of my all-knowing, all-seeing swami-like brainpower, I’ll bet she’s also said, “Who’d hire someone like me, who’s gone 15 years without a pay check?”

It’s not that I’m able to read minds. I usually can’t. Rather, I am able to listen, and plenty of women are talking about how to transition back to work.

As a coach, I’ve been able to successfully help at-home moms find their way back meaningful and lucrative employment. Want to know how?

Know what you’re good at, and what you like to do.
Just because you worked 70 hours a week as a partner in a law firm, doesn’t mean you have to do that now. Many former highly skilled women forecast ahead and see a very black or white future, when it comes to going back to work. “I have to go back as a full-time partner or I can’t go back at all.” Not so, grasshopper. You are smarter and wiser than you were then. Just make an inventory of what was best of what you did in your job, and add in the things you like about what you’re doing now. There may be similarities, or eye-popping opportunities that arise from a crosshatch of your past and your present.

The gap won’t matter to people who know what you can do. Over 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral, so rely on your network of contacts — both from your professional days and from your at-home days. Let’s say you were a ferocious litigator who became a ferocious advocate for diversity in your children’s school. Perhaps you could go to a non-profit dedicated to diversity and offer your services. They might not need you full-time, but they might help you find your Bridge Job.

Love the beauty of the “Bridge Job”. The beauty of what I call the “Bridge Job” is that it’s often short-term, project-oriented, working for someone who knows you and has a specific need. Often the Bridge Job is just a means to an end — with the end being your next job. I recently coached a wonderful woman whose Bridge Job was in the Federal Government, working for a former boss. This position gave her a perch from which she could do good work, build her network, establish a salary level and get her self-confidence. I am pleased to announce that she recently left the government for a big, hot-shot job on Wall Street.

There was a time when I was a full-time mom, at home with my wonderful kids. Although I enjoyed my time in corporate America, and truly loved working at the White House, mothering my children was just about the best experience I ever had. But like a lot of women, at a certain point time and events collided, so I went back to work.

In some ways, I took an easy path — I re-started my consulting/coaching practice. And starting a business that reflects your own values, can be an excellent way to go forward. I am coaching several woman-owned small businesses as they grow and develop — and watching the institutionalization of things like flexibility and Bridge Jobs and openness is truly inspiring.

I am also coaching women who are taking the harder path: re-entering the corporate workplace. Their big fears? Who will hire someone with an “employment gap”? If they do get a job, will they have to work 70 hour weeks? Will they have flexibility? Will they have seniority?

Fortunately, the picture is beginning to shift for women re-entering the workforce. Sylvia Hewlett’s new book Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women On The Road To Success (Harvard Business School Press), provides an excellent template for corporations and organizations to follow to ease the non-linear careers of women.

Attention all HR executives, recruiters and C-level folks who read this blog (and there are many of you): You need to get this book and take a long, hard look at the realities hiring futurists predict. Disqualifying candidates simply because they took time off to care for children, or elders, or their own health, eliminates a talented and vital portion of highly qualified individuals. Developing innovative ways to recruit, retain and support these people may just be the key to your long-term business success.

What Hewlett calls “The White Male Career Model”– continuous, goal-oriented movement; full time employment and office face time; ‘catching the wave’ of a big promotion in your 30s; primarily motivated by money — is falling by the wayside. I wrote about the differences between men and women a few weeks ago. If you recall, I suggested men are goal-oriented and women are experience-oriented in many aspects of life. Hewlett supports this idea with research that shows women — regardless of whether they have children or not — are more motivated by the connections they make in their work, and balance, than in monetary rewards. “The Female Career Model” then, would include nonlinear careers; a mix of full/part-time/project work; an ability to pass up promotions selectively; a focus on connections and experience over money. Hewlett’s research shows that women really want to ‘give back’ in their work — and be fairly compensated, naturally. But waving more money in front of a woman to get her to comport to the White Male Career Model is going to be an attempt that fails.

What she needs, and values, is connection, flexibility, and a culture that drops the stigma surrounding ‘dropping out’ or ‘cutting back’.

Before I close, I want to tell you about a friend of mine who worked in politics and government. She was a very successful and well-regarded human resources executive. Then she married (a great guy) and they had children. My friend stepped back from her work and became an at-home mother. After the disputed 2000 election, she was called to “help” with the mountains of personnel paperwork piling up. It was a short-term position that ended up going something like 18 months. She went back to mothering. Then, she was approached about taking a big, full time job in the government, which she did. She called me one day and said, “Anyone can do this, Michele. It’s not hard. You don’t lose your skills — it all comes back!” Today, this friend of mine serves as one of the highest ranking women in the White House — she’s Anita McBride, former at-home mom, now Chief of Staff to the First Lady.

You can go back to work after a gap in your employment history. It’s possible. Target people who know you, and know what you can do. Aim for a Bridge Job as you transition from one stage of your life to another. Select people and organizations who prize flexibility and other values important to you.

And, remember what Anita said, “You don’t lose your skills — it all comes back!”