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Always You

September 14, 2008 By Leave a Comment

I have a theory. It’s that we are pretty much who we’re going to be at an early age. That’s not to say that life experiences don’t change us, or that we can’t undertake change on our own. Stuff happens, our perspectives shift and we change.

But if you’re born left-handed, you’re probably going to stay left-handed for life.

The Internet is an unparalleled way to reconnect. I got this in my Classmates.com in-box:

“I don’t know if you remember me from elementary [school], but I’ll never forget you. I remember nervously walking into the school for the first time after I moved there at the beginning of the 3rd grade. Mrs. W (who scared me to death!) was showing me where the classroom was located — it was early and hardly any kids had arrived yet. You walked up to me from the other end of the hall and struck up a conversation, and made me feel like I wasn’t an outsider. I don’t know if I ever thanked you, but I always appreciated that. You made my transition to a new school much easier.”

I have to tell you, this email rocked me. Families tell stories of our youth, but they usually involve — in my case — where I made a complete and total fool of myself by saying or doing something incredibly dopey.

To hear a tale of my past, from an outside, objective observer is like watching a documentary of my life. No spin, no role-playing — just a glimpse of who I was in third grade. Priceless.

And know what? I don’t remember the woman who wrote me (I do remember the evil and wicked Mrs. W, our teacher. Still get the shivers mentioning her name). But a year or so after the incident my correspondent described, my family moved two thousand miles away and I haven’t been back to that little town since. So in writing me she had no relationship to mend, heal or promote — she just had an open, grateful heart and a place to share. What a gift to me.

I’ve been spending a lot of time recently working with clients — and myself — on discovering strengths. I ask questions like: What do you do best? What do you really like? How can you play to your strengths? Because when you play to your strengths, whatever you do feels…easy. Not at all like work. Even, dare I say, fun?

Can you imagine what life would be like if you played to the inherent strengths you’ve had your whole life? Since you were in, oh, third grade? How effortless would that be?

So, what parts of your childhood personality remain? Who were you then — and who are you now? Understanding who you were — to others, to yourself — can illuminate and inspire your life today. Turn the light on, and uncover your own, innate, wonderful strengths. Then put those natural strengths to use, and craft a meaningful, purpose-filled… easy life.

Filed Under: Authenticity Tagged With: , , , , Leave a Comment

Getting Back To Work

May 19, 2007 By Leave a Comment


Show me a woman 40 to 55 years old who’s been home with her kids, and I’ll bet you she’s had this thought at one point or the other: “Maybe I should go back to work.” And with the magic of my all-knowing, all-seeing swami-like brainpower, I’ll bet she’s also said, “Who’d hire someone like me, who’s gone 15 years without a pay check?”

It’s not that I’m able to read minds. I usually can’t. Rather, I am able to listen, and plenty of women are talking about how to transition back to work.

As a coach, I’ve been able to successfully help at-home moms find their way back meaningful and lucrative employment. Want to know how?

Know what you’re good at, and what you like to do. Just because you worked 70 hours a week as a partner in a law firm, doesn’t mean you have to do that now. Many former highly skilled women forecast ahead and see a very black or white future, when it comes to going back to work. “I have to go back as a full-time partner or I can’t go back at all.” Not so, grasshopper. You are smarter and wiser than you were then. Just make an inventory of what was best of what you did in your job, and add in the things you like about what you’re doing now. There may be similarities, or eye-popping opportunities that arise from a crosshatch of your past and your present.

The gap won’t matter to people who know what you can do. Over 70% of jobs are filled by personal referral, so rely on your network of contacts — both from your professional days and from your at-home days. Let’s say you were a ferocious litigator who became a ferocious advocate for diversity in your children’s school. Perhaps you could go to a non-profit dedicated to diversity and offer your services. They might not need you full-time, but they might help you find your Bridge Job.

Love the beauty of the “Bridge Job”. The beauty of what I call the “Bridge Job” is that it’s often short-term, project-oriented, working for someone who knows you and has a specific need. Often the Bridge Job is just a means to an end — with the end being your next job. I recently coached a wonderful woman whose Bridge Job was in the Federal Government, working for a former boss. This position gave her a perch from which she could do good work, build her network, establish a salary level and get her self-confidence. I am pleased to announce that she recently left the government for a big, hot-shot job on Wall Street.

There was a time when I was a full-time mom, at home with my wonderful kids. Although I enjoyed my time in corporate America, and truly loved working at the White House, mothering my children was just about the best experience I ever had. But like a lot of women, at a certain point time and events collided, so I went back to work.

In some ways, I took an easy path — I re-started my consulting/coaching practice. And starting a business that reflects your own values, can be an excellent way to go forward. I am coaching several woman-owned small businesses as they grow and develop — and watching the institutionalization of things like flexibility and Bridge Jobs and openness is truly inspiring.

I am also coaching women who are taking the harder path: re-entering the corporate workplace. Their big fears? Who will hire someone with an “employment gap”? If they do get a job, will they have to work 70 hour weeks? Will they have flexibility? Will they have seniority?

Fortunately, the picture is beginning to shift for women re-entering the workforce. Sylvia Hewlett’s new book Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women On The Road To Success (Harvard Business School Press), provides an excellent template for corporations and organizations to follow to ease the non-linear careers of women.

Attention all HR executives, recruiters and C-level folks who read this blog (and there are many of you): You need to get this book and take a long, hard look at the realities hiring futurists predict. Disqualifying candidates simply because they took time off to care for children, or elders, or their own health, eliminates a talented and vital portion of highly qualified individuals. Developing innovative ways to recruit, retain and support these people may just be the key to your long-term business success.

What Hewlett calls “The White Male Career Model”– continuous, goal-oriented movement; full time employment and office face time; ‘catching the wave’ of a big promotion in your 30s; primarily motivated by money — is falling by the wayside. I wrote about the differences between men and women a few weeks ago. If you recall, I suggested men are goal-oriented and women are experience-oriented in many aspects of life. Hewlett supports this idea with research that shows women — regardless of whether they have children or not — are more motivated by the connections they make in their work, and balance, than in monetary rewards. “The Female Career Model” then, would include nonlinear careers; a mix of full/part-time/project work; an ability to pass up promotions selectively; a focus on connections and experience over money. Hewlett’s research shows that women really want to ‘give back’ in their work — and be fairly compensated, naturally. But waving more money in front of a woman to get her to comport to the White Male Career Model is going to be an attempt that fails.

What she needs, and values, is connection, flexibility, and a culture that drops the stigma surrounding ‘dropping out’ or ‘cutting back’.

Before I close, I want to tell you about a friend of mine who worked in politics and government. She was a very successful and well-regarded human resources executive. Then she married (a great guy) and they had children. My friend stepped back from her work and became an at-home mother. After the disputed 2000 election, she was called to “help” with the mountains of personnel paperwork piling up. It was a short-term position that ended up going something like 18 months. She went back to mothering. Then, she was approached about taking a big, full time job in the government, which she did. She called me one day and said, “Anyone can do this, Michele. It’s not hard. You don’t lose your skills — it all comes back!” Today, this friend of mine serves as one of the highest ranking women in the White House — she’s Anita McBride, former at-home mom, now Chief of Staff to the First Lady.

You can go back to work after a gap in your employment history. It’s possible. Target people who know you, and know what you can do. Aim for a Bridge Job as you transition from one stage of your life to another. Select people and organizations who prize flexibility and other values important to you.

And, remember what Anita said, “You don’t lose your skills — it all comes back!”

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Accepting Gifts

December 24, 2006 By Leave a Comment


It’s all in how you receive.

Let’s say someone gives you a bouquet of flowers. You have a choice about how you will receive them. You could say, “Flowers, huh? What’s HE been up to?” Or, you could say, “Carnations? He only sprung for carnations? Cheapskate.” You might say, “He knows I hate Peruvian lilies — what’s he trying to tell me?” Or, you could merely accept the bouquet and say, “Thank you.”

It’s all in how you decide to receive a gift.

And that’s true whether you’re receiving a tangible gift, like we do here at Christmastime, or accepting your own inherent gifts. I am often amazed at the number of clients who can wax rhapsodic about their weaknesses and shortcomings, but when I task them with inventorying their strengths, they freeze up.

Perhaps we’ve been socialized away from “tooting our own horn” to the degree that we forget we’ve actually got a horn anyway. It does feel awkward to say, “You know, I am really good at (fill in the blank).” Try it. “I am really good at (insert your strength here).” Was that easy or hard? Did you struggle to find something to fill in the blank?

Performance reviews often focus on that which needs improvement (your weaknesses) without so much as a nod to what you’re consistently doing really well. Focusing on the negative puts people in a defensive, one-down position. What a shift it would be if corporations acknowledged employee strengths and let folks play to them!

So, how do you identify your strengths? Glad you asked.

1) What tasks are you often asked to do in your workplace, home or volunteer activities? Organize the Christmas party? Entertain clients? Write a business plan? Train the new guy? Serve on a committee?

2) What are you doing when you lose track of time? Reading actuarial tables? Talking with clients? Walking outside? Writing? Preparing meals? Thinking? Working on a project with others? Being physical?

3) What things have you consistently gravitated to throughout your career? Building teams? Starting businesses? Problem-solving? Big-picture thinking? Coordinating details? Serving others?

Answering these questions may lead you, for example, to understand that you are highly socially intelligent — great at reading other people and excellent at client service — yet you spend a great deal of time completing paperwork. That may lead you to determine you need an assistant to do the paperwork, freeing you up to spend more time with your clients, and increasing your sales revenue.

One of the keys to happiness and satisfaction is knowing what you’re good at and doing as much of it as possible. I often tell clients, “Do more of what you like and delegate the rest!”

When I work with clients to inventory their strengths, we’ll identify one and they will often say, “Well, of course, but anyone can do that!” Really? Everyone can plan and execute a Presidential event for 40,000 people in a week? Everyone can prepare corporate tax returns? Everyone can make a nutritious, tasty meal in 23 minutes? Everyone can manage a group of people to a positive end result? Everyone can raise a million dollars?

I don’t think so.

We tend to minimize that which comes easy to us and focus on that which comes with difficulty. We’ve heard this so many times: “If it’s worth anything, you’ve got to struggle for it.” My perspective is: “If you have to struggle for it, you may be trying to do the wrong thing.”

Accepting and working with your particular gifts shifts your way of thinking from “There’s plenty I’m not good at” to “Look at what I can do!” Which attitude, do you think, leads to greater happiness and satisfaction?

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